12/07/2005 Relationship Makeover for Singles

This by no means covers everything, and what I got out of it is a lot more than what I had time to write. The bottom line is whether marriage is somewhere down the track or not, whether you are in a relationship already or not, you need to put God first. That way, the plans for your life merge with His, and you won't be disappointed.

12/07/2005
"Relationship Makeover for Singles"
John & Helen Burns
CityLife Church Tuesday 7:30pm

A. Finding the love of your life

A healthy relationship begins with a healthy heart and a healthy relationship with God. (Prov. 4)
Most important decision in life is the relationship with God. The second-most important is the relationship with the one you marry.
The character of a person is more attractive than charisma. Keep your standards high. Don't compromise your standards! Relationship begins with your own character. We attract who we are, not what we want.
Character:

• is etched on a person's heart.
• goes beyond the surface
• is what you do when no-one's looking (integrity).

Compromising = "going for something you don't believe in and unwilling to fight for something you believe in."

Dating - the time you begin to learn about each other.

A relationship takes time - there are no shortcuts. A fantastic marriage begin with a fantastic friendship. In moving too fast, you are being prone to danger and causing emotional damage.
During dating, you need to listen to the voices that speak to you - from family and friends.
If marriage will become eventual, the courtship begins.

Courtship - the time you begin to give your heart away.

During courtship, you need to have counsel and wisdom flowing into the relationship. You need other people in the world to keep you accountable. An exclusive relationship is doomed to fail.
Mistakes/baggage from the past should be disclosed before marriage. Nothing from the past can keep you from having a fantastic future when you place your life in God's hands.
In courtship, and right through marriage, these must deepen on a continual basis:

1. Growth
2. Respect
3. Enjoyment
4. Trust
5. Commitment
6. Passion

If few of these are lacking (not growing) in a relationship, then perhaps you need to take time out and rethink about where this relationship is taking you.

B. Winning the love of your life

We choose our addictions. A good addiction is wisdom.
In a relationship, don't move forward without first equipping yourself with wisdom.
Important things to do:

1. Run for God.

• only if we run for God, we can discover who we really are.
• let God show you what's lovable about you - through Him, you become the person of your dreams

2. Have a pure motive

• the "whys" drive the "whats".
• do you have something to give? Don't think a relationship is all about what you can get out of it.
  

3. Be yourself

• you need to be honest: be who God has made you to be.

4. Work on yourself

• an attractive person isn't where you've been or where you're at but where you're going.
• work on your inside - not just outside.
• develop a strong sense of who you are.
• the ultimate goal is to be like Jesus. This means that you are continuing to grow. It means to keep maintaining yourself. To stop growing is to become boring. Then you begin to lose sight of your dreams.
  

5. Hang around wise friends

• the people around you is the picture of your future. You need to have good and wise counsel from outside the relationship.
  

6. Be aware of physical traps

• it takes love, strength and commitment to say no.

7. Set boundaries

• know what you won't do before you get round to doing what you will do.

8. Understand where this road goes

• where is your relationship taking you?
• is there a future where you are going?

9. Pace yourself

• is the relationship growing too fast?

10. Don't compromise

• keep the big picture
• don't give up your dreams for anybody.

11. Start anew if you have to

• choose to forgive yourself and those you've hurt.

As far as relationships go, you can never stop learning, nor will you know everything about it. It is a journey, and it's something that doesn't just happen over one night. It takes time to know someone. But you need to know yourself first. To know who you really are, you need to look towards God. He created you and you are unique. Only through Him can you truly discover who you are and what you are made for.